I dreamed a dream…

I just can’t get over this video.

For some reason, I got really wowed by Susan Boyle. I saw her in PerezHilton a few days ago and I was like, wow. There’s just something about her aside from her amazing voice—and that’s saying something. She’s 47, she lives with her cat Pebbles, and SHE’S NEVER BEEN KISSED. Me in 16 years? Hahaha.

But there’s really something about her that gets to me. Especially the song she sang. It’s just sad when she sings it, you can imagine her singing it all alone to her cat about “dreams lost and a life she thought was once worth living”. And how she sings that she dreams “he’ll come to me, but there are dreams that cannot be…” But she still seems so happy and…I don’t know, it just really got to me.

I guess if someone like her can still be happy and perky, even at 47, unemployed, never been kissed, etc, then so can I at 21.

This video almost made me feel like crying after viewing her video, what she said, her mannerisms, and of course, those bitchy audience members who were mocking her. Especially when I saw the lyrics of the song.

…and it might begin earlier than expected

I’m facing a major decision. Well, not super super major, but it will dictate what happens in the next school year. Bottomline, do I choose an internship with Ogilvy, skip my summer classes, and just overload next sem OR do I go on ahead with summer classes and follow the usual schedule? My interview’s next week and usually, they want 9-5 pm interns. Now, my summer classes end at 12, so it’s really one or the other.

Can I handle CTK, Theo, Philo, LS, Pol Sci, Eco AND a Marketing minor PLUS my org obligations?

Assuming I do get the minor, my first sem will be something like: Theo, Philo, Mkt 111, Mkt 112, Mkt 119, LS100, and Eco or Polsci. My second sem will be: Theo, Philo, CTK, Mkt 122, Mkt 121/Mkt 173, LS 125 and Eco or Polsci. Then I have COSA and ASBR.

Having 5 majors last sem was…not pretty. But I did get through it. Maybe I can do this.

Ogilvy seems like a major ad agency. They’ve done the ads for Nokia, Nike, HSBC, BMW, Levis, Nestle… and this is a really good opportunity for me. So I really don’t know. I’ll see how the interview goes and take it from there. Though right now, summer classes seem boring and blah.

Everyone’s telling me to go for it. And I do want to go for it. But I’m really just nervous about the repercussions it will have next sem.

Maybe interns can also be half day?

I really should just wait for the interview.

Are we human or are we dancers?

The one thing I am going to do this school year is to actually enjoy myself. I wont stress myself out, or if I do, I wont let it go to extremes. Because when it all comes down to it, living is about making the most of everything and just enjoying. I’ve realized that there is no point in living if you don’t like it. Death is always an option, but so is life–and I for one am starting to realize that life is meant to be fun and fulfilling and actually worth living. Why else would we be living if it weren’t for that?

So I’m going to enjoy myself and have fun and just LIVE.

If being human means always dwelling on things that don’t matter in the long run, I’d say be dancers and waltz through life in gavottes and musettes because after all, the things that matter are the things that make you happy. Everything else is beside the point.

BORED

I know I said I’m taking a break from all things Ateneo and school but I can’t help it. I AM SO BORED it’s crazy. It’s like my mind is so used to the idea of doing something that it feels wrong when I’m not. Despite waking up at 1 pm everyday, I STILL FEEL BORED. I’ve been longing to bum around since this sem started, but now that I am, I don’t enjoy it.

So does that mean I’m really just impossible to please and I keep looking for what’s not there? Maybe. Or it could be that Ateneo has so brainwashed me (quoting Sir Soh) to feel always pressured and stressed that it’s become part of what I do. Which isn’t exactly a bad thing anyway. Might as well get used to the corporate/ad agency world, right?

So what have I done to stop the boredom?

I made a PR overview for 2009-2010, with goals, projects, etc and gave it to potential AVPs (go Jecky!) so they know what they’re getting into.

I made a flash presentation full of bouncing, rolling, resizing and rotating circles.

I’m considering making project definitions of my planned projects, which I can’t really do yet anyway because I have to get them approved or something by OSA.

I’m also seriously thinking of making a powerpoint for my first GA which is MONTHS from now (see how bored I am…and excited. Hahaha)

I’ve made loads of signature things where I write that I’m a BS Management, major in Communications Technology Management, minor in Marketing, VP of bla bla and all my other hopes. Heeheehee. Yes, I am majorly, majorly bored.

In National today, I looked for which looked like the required Eco and even Pol Sci books so I could buy them and read. I didn’t though because I do have some sanity left.

To top it all off, I’ve also been going to Ateneo to take care of my hold orders, do community service, and visit JV.

I still meditate though. That counts.

OMG. I want to do a paper. Or something.

THIS IS BAD!!!!

BYE

I’ve decided that the best thing for me to do right now is to disappear because I’m really, really sick of everything. So after I pass or whatever this stupid overdue Flash project, I am going to do just that. For two weeks, I’m not going online and my phone will be turned off. I’m going to take a long overdue break from fucking school and fucking Ateneo and fucking stress.

My laptop crashing couldn’t have come at a better time. So yes, it’s really adieu and au revoir.

I’m off to de-stress, do Yoga, and lose weight.

Don’t try contacting me. No, seriously.

21 years old and…gray.

My first post at 21!

I just finished doing our IMC powerpoint and I celebrated my birthday by taking an OPMAN LT which I know for sure I failed and my laptop charger just exploded but for some reason, I don’t feel QUITE as depressed as I’ve usually been. It may be the stress eating but right now, I’m okay. Of course, right now being, right this minute–I just might get depressed in 5 seconds.

….

And I did. Hahaha kidding. OMG, I am seriously going insane. But whatever. Right now, I don’t care anymore. I’m contented by being um, gray, charcoal, whatever. Where I don’t have any emotions, depression or happiness or whatever else. I’ve decided to change my philosophy in life. Instead of trying to go against anything, I’m just going to go with it–because I’ve accepted that I can’t do anything about it. So, DL? I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen. Old maid with 50 cats/dogs? I can start my collection now with a puppy. Studying and so-so grades? I don’t care anymore.

So yes, I’m starting my 21st year by being…gray. I’ll have no definite goals, no definite aspirations, no definite nothing. I’ve spent the last year pushing myself and stressing myself out and for what? It didn’t make me any happier. If anything, it sunk me into a deep, dark hole of depression. So this year, I’ll be apathetic. I’ll be wala lang. I won’t try to get what I can’t have, I won’t want anything I know isn’t possible. I’ll be relaxed and la-di-dah. I won’t care about anything but things I know I can do something about.

So bring it on, 21. I’m not going to care about whatever shit you decide to throw at me this year. I can be happy. Whatever.

PUPPYYYYYY

I want a puppy.

Maybe because I’m really, really just SICK of school and I’m just really, really bored with my life. Or maybe because I need an object of affection and since I don’t have boys, I might as well just have a dog. How pathetic. Haha.

But what’s more pathetic is I can’t have either of them. Because my parents think I’m too messy and scatterbrained for a dog and because I don’t attract anyone. HAHAHA Yes, this is a very pathetic post. Sorry.

Riafae, you have no idea how much I want to get out of the Philippines and smoke together.

I’ve been whining the whole day. Sorry Da.

CAN I GET A PUPPY PLEASE

On a brighter note, at least I’m showing some human emotion. Hahahaha.

Feels like crap and is bored as hell.

Quarter life crisis, anyone?

Tell me I’m not alone in thinking that all this stress is worth nothing. HAHA.

I am so sick of school.

Miffy and Jheda, I know you read my OPMAN email and I meant every word. If you guys didn’t keep calling me and screaming at me to go to school and work on effing OPMAN, I very well would’ve slept the whole day because as I said, I DON’T SEE THE POINT IN STRESSING MYSELF OUT ANYMORE.

And while I’m at it, lets make one thing clear. (I hope you read this JheDARYLLyn. KARmiffy, I know you only go online to go on ym so you won’t read this.) I DO NOT have an effing guilty face or anything else. So give it up, bitches. Hahahaha. No, seriously. Give it up.

So anyway, what’s the point of all this shit anyway? I mean, our government doesn’t even merit being called so, our economy’s crap, and the whole damn world is in recession. WE HAVE NO FUTURE! So why sit through an hour of crap in front of stupid bitchy panelists who have nothing better to do than to RECOMPUTE OUR COSTS??? Eeeedle time, anyone? AND FOR GOD’S SAKE, it’s my fucking company. I can do whatever the hell I want with it!

God. It’s not as if we’re even going to need any of those stupid figures since you know, we’re not from ME and even our program director, Aly Stuffed-Toys-in-back-of-Car Yap hates us and wants to scrap the course. So why don’t they just get rid of COMTECH and give us a tuition refund so we can all just go fucking shopping! At least we get to finally enjoy ourselves!

Okay I feel better after that rant. But seriously.  Stress is stupid. Working hard on a pass or on a defense is useless because teachers won’t even read it anyway. Stressing over something you know you’ll get low on anyway is pointless. SO AGAIN, LETS JUST DEMAND AN EFFING REFUND AND SPEND THE MONEY ON CLOTHES.

I’m really going crazy. Maybe I should follow my friend’s crazy, out-of-his-mind example and consider applying for priesthood–in my case, um, nunhood. Or maybe I should do a Kang Mun and jump off a burning building.

When Harry Met Sally to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

This is kind of a funny entry. I was all alone last Saturday night because my sister had a concert, my other sister had a play, and my brother had a soiree and I couldn’t go anywhere that wasn’t school or org related because my dad was in Russia and my mom has weird logic. So anyway, there I was watching TV because I had no internet and, believe it or not, no papers, no nothing.

I was flipping through the channels and the only things showing were rom-coms. So I went through How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days. Then I watched When Harry Met Sally. Til the very end. When they show Harry running to Sally in the New Year’s Eve Party. And tells her things.

And I started to cry.

What the hell.

I never get touched by all those “You complete me” Jerry Maguire moments. Never. And suddenly, when Harry says, “When you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin right now,” I tear up.

And I didn’t even think Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan look good together. He was shorter than her, for one thing!

Maybe they just had really good chemistry and for some reason, it went through my emotionless exterior. HAHA. Or maybe they’re just really good actors.

Whatever it is–writing, acting, chemistry–it made me cry. So I give When Harry Met Sally props for that.

After all, I was rolling my eyes at How to Lose a Guy.

I’m Back, Bitches.

I was finally able to watch TV after a totally hellish few weeks today! I’ve really missed watching Spongebob. It’s my brainless de-stressor. I kept laughing when I was watching a particularly stupid episode today about Spongebob learning to drive with a new military teacher who wasn’t poor Mrs. Puff. Mrs. Puff and Squidward are two people I really, really pity.

So what else–aside from Spongebob learning to drive blindfolded–has happened this week? Thanks to CNN, I found out that:

The Japanese finance minister resigned because he was asleep (and allegedly drunk) in a press conference. Interestingly, our own MARVELOUS politicians act drunk all the time (and probably are, I hear they serve wine in their congress hearings) and not one of them has been asked to resign, much less caused public fury. But I guess if a president can get away with at least three major scandals per year, anything’s possible. Anything but going anywhere but down, anyway.

A 12 year old boy is a dad. And he looks 8. And his girlfriend is a 15 year old whom two other guys, a 14 year old and a 16 year old, claim they slept with too. So the 12 year old is taking a paternity test. Seriously. When I was 12, all I knew about boys was that they liked to play basketball, truth or dare and trade Pokemon cards.

Octo mom is a psycho who leaches off the government to pay for her 14 kids. Imagine if the Philippines had the same system of welfare. That’s something I’m glad we don’t have. And I don’t care if people think that’s elitist. It’s true. How would you like to support 10 kids per family with your hard-earned, 35% tax rate income? RH Bill, anyone?

The 80’s are back for spring, according to style.com. Trash and vaudeville. I like them. Apparently, so are Depression-era trends. And slouchy jumpsuits. Slouchy jumpsuits, I like. Although why I care, I don’t know. It’s not like I follow trends, much less have time to shop.

The West won over the East in the NBA All Stars Game. Nate Robinson dunked over Dwight Howard and won the Slam Dunk Championship. Personally, I like Dwight Howard–well, his arms, anyway. He has awesome muscles. Nate Robinson won because he was short.

Hyundai is pronounced to rhyme with “Sunday”. Interesting. And its car sales are the only ones rising. Interesting. It’s deadline day for GM, Chrysler, and all the other Detroit car makers. Lesson learned. Don’t invest in cars. Finance news are everywhere.

Kelly Clarkson’s video for her new song is not bad. It’s cute. The song is funny. Pathetic in a funny, dysfunctional way. Nina, that weird I’m-ashamed-to-call-her-Filipino screamer, has butchered another song. Not being happy with shattering eardrums by screeching through the Aerosmith–Armmaggedon song, she decides to screech through There You’ll Be from Pearl Harbor. Please. Stop. “Singing”. Please. The dogs you’ve made deaf are begging you beseechingly. So am I.

IMHO means in my honest opinion. STFU means shut the fuck up. I had no idea. Of course I know LOL means laughing out loud. Lily Allen has an interesting song, Fear, about consumerism and today’s culture: “Everything’s cool since I’m getting thinner.” Funny, she looks so much thinner in her video than in PerezHilton.

I don’t think I’m going to like the Shopaholic movie.

I still cry over Titanic. Does that mean that deep inside, I’m a hopeless romantic? Nah.

And that’s what I did today. My first day of relative relaxation. Of course, I still have a CS Project and CS midterms, but who cares?